Today, a man named Al Hoffman has a column in The USA Today, the paper of record of America’s airports. At the bottom of the column, it is noted that Hoffman was once George W. Bush’s ambassador to Portugal, just so you get a feel for the type of person we’re dealing with here. Hoffman, as he writes in the column, spent the last several months fundraising for Jeb Bush’s too-big-to-fail presidential campaign, which, of course, failed spectacularly.
Ted Cruz won the Republican caucus in Utah on Tuesday, the New York Times reports, capturing all 40 delegates. Mitt Romney recorded a get-out-the-vote call for Cruz on Monday, and an anti-Trump PAC encouraging Mormons to vote for the Texas senator promoted a nude photo of Melania Trump on Instagram.
Well-heeled New Englander Mitt Romney will be hitting the campaign trail in Ohio in support of John Kasich today, NBC News reports. Romney has made it clear that he is not endorsing his fellow governor, and that the stops are part of his larger effort to make sure that anyone but Donald Trump is the nominee. It’s unclear how much he’s helping on that front.
Pretty much everyone agreed that Mittens “Glittens” Romney’s last ditch attempt at dethroning Trump last week was doomed from the beginning. Romney is the very embodiment of the slick GOP establishment Trump is tearing apart—how could a condemnation from him do anything to sway Trump’s supporters? But the worst that could have happened was a waste of Mitt’s time, with no minds changed, so why not? Right? Right?
The word came in from our best-sourced Fox News Kremlinologists: Fox News had settled for Donald Trump. Roger Ailes had given up on the hapless Marco Rubio. Megyn Kelly was sounding conciliatory, granting that Trump appeared more and more presidential. Rupert Murdoch himself tweeted that the party would be “mad not to unify” around nominee Donald Trump. It worked: Donald Trump arrived, unsuspecting, for his ambush.
Donald Trump spent his afternoon attempting to flay Mitt Romney in the only way he knows how: by belittling Romney’s political might, masculinity, business acumen and even his wealth. He said Romney would have gotten down on his knees for money in 2012, that Romney ran a horrible presidential campaign, that he’s a “choke artist” who should have beaten Barack Obama, that he was intimidated out of running in 2016 by Jeb Bush, and that Trump owns a single store worth more money than Mitt Romney.
The video above is about five minutes worth of a glorified roast that lasted something like a half-hour and featured digression after digression—like, for example, an informal poll on who will be a better host of the The Apprentice, Trump or his handpicked successor Arnold Schwarzenegger, whom Trump also decided to indirectly humiliate in front of his audience, despite his being, you know, Trump’s handpicked successor.
With heaping plate of candied yams Donald Trump and Stabbity Ben Carson still leading the chase for the GOP nomination as we head into the holiday season, members of the party establishment are becoming so fearful of ending up with a novelty candidate that they’re considering a last-ditch effort to draft Mitt Romney as their nominee, the Washington Post reports.
Kevin McCarthy, who up until a few hours ago had been the clear frontrunner, has pulled out of the race to replace the retiring John Boehner as Speaker of the House. And now, Congress has descended into hell’s most tearful, mind-numbing pit of fiery chaos. [Updated]