Chimera Monkeys Are Coming for Your Baby

Hamilton Nolan · 01/06/12 04:00PM

Implant cancer! Brain melting! Autism vaccines! Big tumor! Drug users! Chimera monkeys! Face transplants! Yoga danger! And the future of your baby, made clear! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—but not for long!

Pigeons, Like Monkeys, Are Better at Math Than You

Max Read · 12/23/11 09:45AM

Anyone who knows anything about anything knows that birds, of all animals, are not to be trusted. Have you seen a bird, recently, doing its little bird things (pecking?), acting as though its brain is the size of a Sno-Cap? Well, guess what: birds can do math. Higher math.

Will Science Survive Without Killing Monkeys?

Hamilton Nolan · 12/15/11 04:09PM

Chimp research! Bird safety! Nemo extinction! Raptor claws! Rat acid! Alkali oceans! Lemur meat! Dolphin jetpack! And real talk words of wisdom about our current chemistry debates! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—with compassion!

Real Talk: Dead People Don't Need Surgery

Hamilton Nolan · 10/07/11 04:09PM

Cholesterol diabeetus! Docto procto! Death surgery! Concussion athletes! Cantaloupe killers! Cell harvest! Cialis excuses! Man breasts! And you monkeys won't get away with this, after all! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—on the real!

Over 200 Animals Found at Home with Fatally Ill 14-Year-Old

Max Read · 09/10/11 02:59PM

Cops in Berwyn, Ill. responded to a report of an unresponsive 14-year-old boy on Thursday night. They apparently found him—dying—outside the home. Investigating inside they discovered more than 200 animals in the 1,100-square foot home.

Scientists Invent Utterly Useless Time Machine

Hamilton Nolan · 07/15/11 03:38PM

Nice baboons! Dead trees! Spiral galaxies! Ipad apps! Macaque alarms! Time machines! Rainbow toads! Eyeball pictures! And the latest news about the fishes and their watery friends! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—faster than you thought!

Baboon Captured after Three Days in New Jersey

Max Read · 07/02/11 03:01PM

After a three-day adventure in the wilds of New Jersey, officials were able to tranquilize and capture a baboon that had escaped from Six Flags Great Adventure. The monkey seems to have had a grand adventure, traveling across backyards, down highways, and over a golf course on a general course east, possibly toward Manasquan, which has one of the nicer beaches on the shore. Thus far Great Adventure is unable to confirm, officially, that the baboon is a resident of its safari park, but spokeswoman Kristin B. Siebeneicher said it "seems likely that it is one of the Safari's baboons." We should hope! [ABC6; Newark Star-Ledger]

The First Advertising Campaign Aimed at Monkeys

Max Read · 06/27/11 09:47PM

We've always said, when drunk, that monkeys are the great untapped demographic of the 21st century. Well! Someone has finally listened: Advertising firm Proton has created the first campaign directed entirely at monkeys.

The Hangover II Teaser: This Time It's a Monkey

Richard Lawson · 02/24/11 03:01PM

Here's the first teaser trailer for the followup to the 2009 mega-hit comedy The Hangover. The three hapless amigos are back, though they've swapped Las Vegas for Thailand and a menacing tiger for a cute little monkey. And a funny hat!

Monkey in Girl's Mask is Ready to Take Your Order

Leah Beckmann · 02/09/11 11:05AM

This restaurant is all monkey business. And also, this server won't stop monkeying around at this restaurant in Japan. Whichever the monkey joke you prefer, this mask-wearing waitress is a monkey.

Here's a Monkey Swarm

Adrian Chen · 01/29/11 11:58AM

Because it's Saturday, here is a guy getting swarmed by monkeys. We have no further information on the monkey swarm, except that it looks really fun. Maybe this will be the hot new toy this Christmas: A monkey swarm?