Schwah? These're what appear to be some cheeky advertising student's project - for a theoretical History Channel For Kids - that got published in their Dutch advertising school's journal. Bizarre, disturbing. 9/11 one might not be as "funny" as the other two (JFK's assassination and Normandy Invasion) after the jump.
She writes, "Did you hear the one about the stockbroker who’s been sleeping like a baby? Every hour, he wakes up and cries." I can't imagine this is a McCain original — sounds like an old one — but see him tell it yourself at the beginning of this clip from his Nov. 12 appearance on The Tonight Show.
Big news on the "who will Barack Obama's John the Baptist" front! First: his Vice Presidential choice will not be Hillary Clinton, because he just hired Patti Solis Doyle as his eventual Veep's chief of staff. Which is odd, because she was incompetent as Hillary's campaign manager, but less odd when you consider that choosing her is just a "fuck you" to Hillary and her terrible people. Second: Al Gore is endorsing Obama tonight, so obviously that means he wants to be Vice President again so that Americans can go back to not liking him very much in 2016 when he runs for do-over president. But this is the most important VP-selection-related news of all: if Barry Obama chooses Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius, the candidate will have to answer some very touchy questions about precisely how funny he finds prison rape. No, seriously.
Old Man John McCain will appear on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Just a cameo, of course. Though he hosted in 2002, back when was still a maverick beloved by liberals and elite coastal types. Details of the sketch he'll appear in are scarce, though it will probably be toothless and unfunny, as all SNL political material tends to be. McCain might be funny, though! Presumably less wooden than Obama and Clinton were in their toothless, unfunny cameos. McCain's a natural comic (have you heard the one about how Chelsea Clinton is ugly?). Which, as we all know, is utterly unpresidential.
"All eyes are on Lt. Governor David Paterson this week, who is poised to become the first legally blind governor in United States history, and the first African-American governor of New York." That's the American Federation For The Blind, showing the blind can do anything the sighted can, like use awkward wordplay when discussing David Paterson's vision. [AFB]
Congratulations to the Hamptons Independent for publishing the single most offensive newspaper column ever. In "satirizing" the Obama/Clinton feud, the offending column manage to insult and degrade women, blacks, and every literate person on Earth in equal measure. Oh, it was written by the editor. Under the pseudonym "YoMama Bin Barack." That doesn't even make sense. Anyway—black people speak pidgin english, and many of them are in jail. "White women" enjoy being "bitch slapped." Too bad Bloomberg's not in the race, the only thing the column's really missing is blood libel. [Plum]
Now that they're on strike, it seems like screenwriters are busier and more productive than ever. But left to their own devices, it turns out that they are a distinctly unfunny bunch. Put a bunch of 'em in a room and eventually they'll write Six Feet Under, but in the end they're just monkeys—monkeys writing for the LA Times and New York mag and making their own blogs and getting all up on the HuffPo. Here's our Striking Screenwriter Roundup—clearly the work of simians. All they can think about is food!