Isn’t life terrible? Obama’s in office, gays are getting married, and humanity has just generally lost its way. All of this comes with a whole slew of exciting punishments, since the End is nigh. And presidential candidate Mick Huckabee can’t wait.
Mike Huckabee makes no secret about the fact that he’s a “Christian Zionist,” a sect of Christian fundamentalism that believes the actual Apocalypse will take place exactly as the Bible foretells, in the land of Israel. Which is also why Christian Zionists tend to be so outspoken in their support of Israel; after all, Jesus can’t come back to save/slay accordingly if the Jews aren’t in their native land (where they will then, of course, die for their sins as fire rains down from the heavens etc.).
For our purposes, though, let’s focus on the fact that Mike Huckabee, potential candidate for president of the United States, very much believes that the End of Days, as it’s laid out in the Bible, will indeed be occurring. And as far as Huck’s concerned, it could be any day now. As Ariel Levy wrote in The New Yorker a few years ago, “Huckabee believes that history will end and that the Rapture will come, but he doesn’t tie himself to a time line. ‘I was a lot more sure when I was eighteen!’ he said. ‘I thought it would be one heck of an end-of-the-world war.’”
Which brings us to today. Modern Mike Huckabee, though slightly more reticent than when he was 18, is still champing at the bit for it all to come to an end in the most biblical of senses. Here are the best times he alluded to the fact that our time on earth was toast because of our sins.
The sin: Voting for Obama
The punishment: The fires of hell
Back in 2012, Mike Huckabee released an ad imploring Christians to go cast their ballots on election day—during which they would stand a “test of fire” with votes that “will be recorded for eternity. From the ad:
Many issues are at stake, but some issues are not negotiable: The right to life from conception to natural death. Marriage should be reinforced, not redefined. It is an egregious violation of our cherished principle of religious liberty for the government to force the Church to buy the kind of insurance that leads to the taking of innocent human life.
In other words, everything you’d be voting for when you vote for Obama. In the video, as these good Christians walked into the voting booths to cast their ballot for former Governor Mittens, you see them leaving the fiery bowels of hell behind—they’re safe. Come Judgement Day, that particular corner of hell will be left for the majority of Americans who voted for Obama.
The sin: Abortion, national immorality
The punishment: America’s downfall
Just last year, Huckabee told the Conservative Political Action Convention that he “knows there’s a God.” Which is apparently a lesson quite a few more of us could stand to learn. Let Pastor Mike explain:
I know there’s a God. And I know that this nation would not exist had he not been the midwife of its birth. And I know that this nation exists by the providence of his hand and that if this nation forgets our God, then God will have every right to forget us.
Ruth Graham Bell, the wife of Dr. Billy Graham, back in the 1970s made a profound statement, and she said – forty years ago – that if God does not bring fiery judgement on America then he will have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah. Now she said that a long time ago. I hope that we repent before we ever have to receive his fiery judgment.
The sin: All of ‘em
The punishment: Welcoming the Tribulation
When Huckabee was still hosting his show on Fox, he welcomed his good friend Tim LaHaye on to discuss his runaway hit, apocalyptic-fiction series, Left Behind. Taking advantage of the rare opportunity to get insight into his imminent heavenly reward from an author of fiction, Huckabee asks LaHaye straight out: “Are we living in the End Times?”
His answer: “Very definitely, Governor.”
The sin: Not believing in Jesus
The punishment: Kidnap, rape, murder
When Huckabee was graduating high school, he wrote a wonderful little column (uncovered by Buzzfeed) for the Baptist Missionary Association of Arkansas’s newspaper, the Baptist Trumpet. His series, dubbed the “RAPture Express,” looked at the sorts of questions that a young, Christian teen looking to do right by Christ might face in his or her daily life, such as whether it’s okay to attend dances (it is not).
The most frequently stated line is “What kind of person could do such a thing?” Well, obviously the kind of person without Jesus. It’s rather depressing to think that if these young men ... had only been told about God’s love and care, then maybe the whole bloody thing would never have happened....
If we don’t tell our brothers and sisters about Jesus, and don’t try to help them find relief to their problems... we can perhaps expect more of the same as happened in Houston.
And if adult Huckabee’s hunch is right, all over the fiery, runious world.
Image by Jim Cooke, source photo via Getty