The year of 2014 began with a bang: a man on Reddit who had posted photos of his two penises sat in on the site for an AMA session on January 1st. Answering the question, "Do you have a favorite?" the man with two dicks replied, "Yes. The right one. The left one has a grudge against me for it too. lol" With that affirmative moment in penile favoritism, the year of the booty had found its companion in dicks, and the 365 days ahead were long and hard.
Here at Gawker.com, we featured dickplay, dick speculation, dick fame, dick pain, dick pics, and dick ephemera short, girthy, and long, for better or for worse, from January 1st until December 30th. Not caught up? Here's what you missed.
What Were Celebrity Dicks Up To?
Many a celebrity package became primetime pageviews for our website and others in 2014. Like each year since the Big Bang, the gossip-obsessed have wanted to know what our celeb gods have going on below the belt in preparation for the possibility that one or many of us would be asked to fuck it. Would these celebrity dicks even be worth slamming if we, the plebes, could get into the underoos? In a year of covering celebrity dick tales, our main contenders for worthiness of fucking are Jared Leto and (to my surprise) Ben Affleck. Well done, gents.
The Ecstasy ;)
- Let Ice-T Explain His Call of Duty "Dick Dance"
- Nathan Fielder's Instagram Is Full of Tastefully Hidden Old Man Dick
- George Clooney Put a Picture of His Dick on the Roseanne Refrigerator
- This Is What Jared Leto's "Massive" Dick Allegedly Looks Like
- Nicki Minaj Gave Drake a Boner
- Is This Idris Elba's Dick or What?
- Is This James Franco's Dick or What?
- Is That Ben Affleck's Dick Or What
- I've Seen Ben Affleck's Dick and This Is What It Looks Like
- Jared Leto's Allegedly Enormous Penis Makes a Public Appearance
- Justin Theroux Discusses His Big, Floppy Dick
- Jonah Hill Issues Perfect Apology for Saying "Faggot" (Again)
- This Might Be a Photo of Usher's Dick
- Here's Ben Affleck's Dick
The Agony :(
- Miley Cyrus Rides Blow-Up Dick, Tells Rape Joke at London Gay Club
- The Chris Christie Gangbang Sex Tape That Wasn't [NSFW]
- Jonah Hill to Paparazzi: "Suck My Dick, Faggot"
- Channing Tatum Keeps Explaining His Dick-Kissing Bet with Jonah Hill
- Here's Ex-American Apparel CEO Dov Charney Dancing With His Dick Out
- Idris Elba Confirms It Was Not a Dick Or What
- Which Male Celebs Maybe Had Their Nudes Hacked, Too?
- Legendary Punk Artist to Internet Commenters: "Put Yr Dck in Yo Mouf"
Where Did You Put Your Dicks This Year?
Hardly a day went by in 2014 when men did not think of putting their dicks into something. Why stop at human orifices when so much pleasure could be derived from other holes and non-holes, the men thought. Luckily for us, and unluckily for them, many of our peniled friends did not make it out of 2014 without being caught fucking stuff that should not be fucked. Where will you be stuffing it next year? Here's some inspiration:
In Your Palm
In Front of the Public
Who, In Return, Fucked Up Your Dicks?
Listen, after all this, you deserved it.
Your Friends :(
- removed penis and balls (but still unloads)
- cut off his own penis after bad breakup
- cut off his own penis because he was feeling bad (cont.)
- was feeling better so wanted to do porn
Were These Dicks or What?
2014 was the year that we debuted the latest Gawker hit column "Is This a Dick or What?" wherein we analyzed photos sent by tipsters far and away looking for alleged dicks, mostly out of frame or obscured in some manner. The conclusions we came to this year were polarizing but have been settled below for posterity:
Who Did You Send Your Dick Pics To?
Dick pics must be stopped. Whether you believe your girl likes them, or you're sending them with reckless abandon to any numeric combination you can brainstorm on your cell phone while getting yourself ample and ready, no one wants to be startled like that. Did that stop these dick owners from dialing up and sending some juicy images over? No. Would they do it again? Probably.
A Television Station
Can You Show Me Two Good Posts on Animal Dick?
It's been a long year.
[Illustration by Jim Cooke]