I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this: a lot of pricks typing “ya” now, when they’re saying yeah to you. These pricks. These fucking jerks.

“ya”

The response “ya” seems to have grown in popularity over the last few months, picking up steam mainly among a number of pricks I know, and then also some nice people who I think are doing it by mistake. Last year, I feel like no one was making me mad by typing “ya” to me. This year—a different story.

As if he’s attempting to signal a combination of boredom and resentment for your question: ya. As if you’ve bothered her somehow, even though you were just chatting and maybe you didn’t even want to know the answer to the question you asked, but you were just trying to be polite—or maybe she’s your superior and you were just asking about a work thing, and now what’s with all the attitude?: ya. As if you’ve mistakenly befriended a prick who holds himself in such high esteem that basic manners and conversational kindness are below him and he’s not afraid to show you this personality flaw outright: ya.

It’s possible I’m reading too much into this—but I do think I’m correct.

Here’s a thought exercise for you that I think might help prove my point: Think of the people you know who respond to you sometimes with “ya.” Now: Think of the people who have never responded to you with “ya.” Which group, would you say, is the group that contains the most pricks?

You see my point.

It’s easy to interpret any standalone affirmative response as a sort of “fuck you” if you’re paranoid enough, or if you deserve it. For example, imagine in each of these scenarios that the person giving the affirmative response is thinking “fuck this guy”:

You: Did you see that thing?
Someone: yes

You: Did you get that thing we were talking about?
Someone: yeah

You: Are you going to that thing—I think it’s later?
Someone: yea

Easy to imagine, right? Yes. An exception to this rule might be “yup,” which probably doesn’t ever seem like it means “fuck you.” However, that is exactly why “yup” is a good way to give a positive response that, in fact, means “fuck you,” especially if it’s to someone to whom you don’t want to be accused of intimating “fuck you.”

Your Boss: Hey, it’s already past noon. Can you get me that thing?
You: yup

With each of these affirmative responses, though, strong cases can be made against the idea that they were given with any sort of attitude. Each has an alibi earned from familiarity and sustained usage. (“Yea” not as much as the others, but please do not interrupt me while I am making a point.) “I was just saying ‘yeah’...” you can imagine someone saying. Or maybe something like, “I was just saying ‘yes’...”

“ya,” on the other hand, seems like a new thing—at least to me. Why are you giving me this new response all of a sudden? Why are you saying “ya” to me, even though I have known you for so long and you’ve never said “ya”? —Is it just to be a prick?! It’s worth noting also that “ya” is the laziest of the affirmative response, clocking it at a mere two letters, which is just like...oh, this person can’t be bothered to type any more letters? This fucking prick? Can’t type two more letters?

(This is excluding the simple “y,” which is for pricks also, but the sort of pricks who are trying to seem like busy business men. It’s hard to take that personally.)

Please don’t read this to mean that I am against any sort of “yeah” that secretly means “fuck you.” Frequently I’ll say “yeah” to someone when really I mean—“buddy, fuck you.” But I don’t use it to intimate superiority, and I certainly don’t display my bad attitude outright, as one does when one says “ya” to me, like a prick. Like some coward who wants to feel like a bad boy.

You’re no bad boy. You’re just a coward, you prick.

You’re probably thinking now, of me: “Maybe you deserve everyone saying ‘ya’ to you in a way that means ‘fuck you,’ you seem real sensitive and maybe crazy.” Well, let me assure you that I do not.

No one does.

Because the people who say “ya” are pricks.

And no one deserves this sort of shit from some fucking prick!!!!!!!!!!


Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.