Earlier today, the President of the United States and the holder of the highest office in the land, Barack Obama, debuted the first, official Twitter account run by the President and the President alone. Because of how the internet works, hundreds of people immediately asked the President to please sit on my face, daddy. And because of how the Presidential Records Act works, every single one of those tweets, from “spank me” to “fist me,” is getting filed away in the official White House archives.
On Twitter, the White House automatically archives “tweets” from official White House accounts, “direct messages” sent to or from official White House accounts, and “mentions” (tweets from other users to official White House accounts; these tweets contain an @ and the username of an official White House account (e.g., @WhiteHouse).
In other words, for the sole purpose of complying with the Presidential Records Act, the White House will be archiving Twitter user “shithead”’s request that President Obama, Michelle Obama, and former President Bill Clinton all “slay him.” Along with every one of these.
@POTUS FIST ME DADDY I WANT U TO MAKE ME YOUR BITCH JUST SPUNK IN MY EYE AND MAKE ME CHOKE ON UR DICKMay 18, 2015
.@POTUS fuck me in the assMay 18, 2015
@POTUS MURDER MY PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!May 18, 2015
@POTUS daddyMay 18, 2015
Spank me daddy @POTUSMay 18, 2015
@POTUS Lick my nipsMay 18, 2015
@POTUS fuck me babe!😍👌🏻May 18, 2015
@POTUS sit on my face!May 18, 2015
Congratulations, kids. We’ll see you in the Library of Congress.