Sorority rush is currently in full swing at many of our nation's top institutions of higher learning, and that means that a lot of young ladies' mothers and fathers have, perhaps unwittingly, paid for the production of extravagant videos to make their daughter's sorority look the best. Lucky for us, they're all on YouTube.
The rush video trend started around 2010, when instead of bothering to converse with potential new pledges, sororities began making digital slideshows of cute photos to show them how fun their lives would be if they chose to join up. ("I Gotta Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas soundtracked roughly 66 percent of slideshows that year.)
Now, it's pretty much a given that every sorority will have a 4-8 minute video—impeccably produced by professionals—to debut during rush. It's a 4-8 minute respite from robotic small talk and a great opportunity to show potential new pledges what sisters look like in bikinis, which are not typically worn during official recruitment activities.
Here are the worst ones.
Parody Rap Covers
By far and away the most embarrassing rush videos involve rap songs rewritten to jam about sisterhood. Here, AEPHi sisters at one of the most expensive schools in the country, George Washington University, squeak out their version of A$AP Rocky's "Fuckin' Problems."
"I love all my sisters it's an AEPHi problem/And yeah we like to shop, we got a shopping problem!" they yelp. Later, the gals sound off about the fun of tagging photos of each other on Facebook and playing "Santa Claus" to their "littles." They also get buck in a Mini Cooper:
This video has been viewed over 80,000 times on YouTube.
In a similar vein, there is the now-famous Kappa Rap rush video, performed Baylor University's KKG sisters. It is, at least, not based on any recognizable rap song.
Here's the hook, which I know by heart, because I was a Kappa in 2011 when this was released:
Wanna be on top...like me?
All you gotta do is go K-K-G
Keep it classy every day and night, with blue on blue you'll look just right
We've got it all right here, just wanna make it clear that never whatsoever
Could I have chosen something better!
Lol naughty! The video has been viewed over a million times.
But as cringe-inducing as it is to watch blonde 20-year-olds gesticulate like Jay Z in unison, there is a worse horror, which is this folksy Lorde remake by Tri Delts at Duke. See if you can hang on for even 20 seconds:
Performing a rap song is clearly not the best way to endear other women to you for life, but is performing a Pinterest board any better? Here are the University of Alabama's Phi Mus, who turned their private pool (yeah!) into a craft castle last year.
They made bubbles:
And fake colorful henna tattoos:
And flower crowns:
And big cardboard letters that spell...something!
When they ran out of things to craft, they crafted this sister's hair:
Fuck finals, am I right? The video has over 70,000 views.
A Day in the Life
One of the most popular formats for rush videos is one that shows what life would be like every day OMG with your new sisters. This one, from Delta Gamma at Ohio State, is fun.
First, you enter the house:
And then you find yourself in a hallway to hell from which there is no escape:
Oh wait, there are the girls:
And now you're all breakdancing!
See? See how fun life could be?
Without a cool hook like a rap song or a spelling contest, the only thing left to do is rent a bajillion-foot yacht, which is what the University of Miami's Delta Gammas did this year. Really!
The entire video is concerning not just for the surely massive expense it required to make, but also because whoever's filming it seems concerned with more than uh, sisterhood.
Backed up by pulsating house music, there are gratuitous cleavage shots:
And butt shots:
And oh my god, girls, who made this for you?
A highly-trained professional who is only charging the going rate, surely.