Canada Goose Jackets are for pricks. The big bulky puffers are distinguishable from other parkas only by a patch. Don't buy one, because they're expensive, and winter sucks enough without being a consumer sucker on top of it all.

Uggs were bad, but at least they were clearly Uggs—you got an eyesore for your money. Uggs also never cost upwards of the $1,200 price tag a Canada Goose jacket commands. Furry boots are preposterous, but they were populist. Not so for the Goose, which has become a Sundance and Manhattan fixture, a fluffy status symbol for those affluent enough to make themselves look like big wintry golems. Take it from Bloomberg Business, which reports the brand's beefy bottom line, engorged with the money of people worried about getting cold on the way from their door to an Uber:

Once the uniform of adventurers and Aspen playboys, the big, bloated parka full of feathers has successfully made the transition from frontiersmen to fashionistas. "In a lot of places it's what the Louis Vuitton handbag was 10 years ago," says Mona Bijoor, whose JOOR online wholesale marketplace will process about $2.6 billion in spending this year among elite retailers and fashion labels. "You can tell that it's a trend because puffers aren't a core thing for certain brands, and even they are starting to do them."

"We're the Land Rover of clothing," adds CEO Dani Reiss. Yes, exactly! The problem is he thinks that's a good thing, and so do coastal suckers. Wasting money is cool, yes; but only if you waste it on something visible from far away, like a gold trucker hat, or carrying around a tote bag filled with cash. A parka with a patch on the chest: that ain't cool.

If you really absolutely want a big-ass jacket with a tacky fur hood, buy one of these Chinese knockoffs from Alibaba. Wow. I just saved you like a thousand bucks, you're welcome, man.