The University of Virginia has imposed stricter safety regulations on campus fraternities in the wake of an alleged campus rape reported in a Rolling Stone story that was later found to have serious "discrepancies." Phi Kappa Psi, the fraternity implicated in the story, has agreed to the new rules—which include stricter control of alcohol at parties—but two other frats are refusing to sign because moooooom, we don't wanna!

The university reinstated Phi Kappa Psi and ended a temporary shutdown of all Greek activities earlier this week, and it makes sense that Phi Psi wouldn't want to further jeopardize its reputation by fighting President Teresa Sullivan's revised Fraternity Operating Agreement. But Alpha Tau Omega and Kappa Alpha Order have no qualms acting like a bunch of dickheads about being told they have to register their parties in advance, serve beer in cans, and have "sober monitors" controlling alcohol distribution at events.

In identical statements, the crybaby frats said it just wasn't fair to suspend all fraternities over a Rolling Stone article that alleged a fraternity-involved rape and a culture of binge drinking and unreported sexual assault on campus.

Maybe the temporary Greek hiatus was about showing the school took the allegations seriously, a necessary step to protect UVa's reputation while investigations by police, campus officials, and the media were ongoing. And maybe the new rules around alcohol serve the same function.

Or maybe, as the frats allege, the suspension "was maintained and used as leverage" to require the fun-ruining changes to the frats' contract with the school, because the administration is out to get 25% of the student body.

"Because we do not accept the validity of a suspension imposed in contravention of the existing FOA, university policy, Virginia law and the constitutional rights of our members, we are not compelled to sign a revised FOA to continue operations on campus," their statement, possibly handwritten in crayon and delivered on paper stained with bitter tears, continues.

The university's lawyers certainly have their own opinion on whether refusing to sanction some bros' parties for a month violates state law or the U.S. Constitution.

Kappa Alpha Order also claims its own national risk management policies "are as strict or more strict that this new FOA." Good for them! That means the university's new rules shouldn't change the way they throw parties at all, right?

The obstinate children have until Jan. 16 to agree to follow the rules, otherwise mom and dad will ground them, taking away their official Greek system privileges.

"We remain hopeful that all groups will commit to these reasonable protocols designed to improve student safety," a university spokesman told ABC Wednesday.

[Photo: AP Images]