The New York Daily News published a bananas story Wednesday exposing the bizarre circumstances surrounding Jay Z and Beyoncé’s abrupt dismissal of their 6'5", 280 lbs. head of security, Norman Oosterbroek: He was fired after the couple allegedly saw photographic and video evidence of him “using the family’s passports in a lewd act." (The couple also discovered he had hired a prostitute while on duty for them in Las Vegas, which is crazy because it is somehow the LEAST interesting aspect of the story.)

The Daily News write-up is scant on details with regard to the act itself, except to note that a source described Oosterbroek's performance entailed "some pretty freaky things."

Oosterbroek met an even stranger end when he died earlier this month at the age of 43, after he was Tasered by police for resisting arrest. The Miami Herald reported that he had broken into a neighbor’s home, fully nude, and was beating the owner of the home when the cops arrived. Police said they saw Oosterbroek ingest “an unknown substance” before he was Tasered. The wife of the man Oosterbroek attacked called the encounter "horrifying" and said her family "[didn't] really know the man at all."

The Daily News reports “a major print publication” uncovered the story of Oosterbroek's firing last year, but then brokered a deal with the Carters in exchange for burying it.

Which leaves us with the following questions:

What “major print publication” squashed this insane story?

To what lewd acts does a collection of three passports (Beyoncé, Jay Z, and Blue Ivy's) lend itself?

Update: As many astute commenters have pointed out, entertainment blog Crazy Days and Nights published a version of this story as a blind item earlier this year, and later identified American Media, Inc. (publisher of Shape Magazine...and the National Enquirer) as the company that buried the bodyguard story. Beyoncé appeared on the April cover of Shape.

We've reached out to the company for comment and will update if we hear back.

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