The holiday season is here, and for America's teens that means one thing: preseeennnttsss!!
Teens are everywhere these days. Perhaps you have a child, niece, or nephew who's a teen. Or perhaps you know a teen for some other appropriate reason! Whatever the case may be, you better get your teen a good present if you want him to take care of you when you are even older than you are now.
But who knows what teens want? Not you. That is where we come in. What follows is a realistic guide to giving gifts to teens.
For a Young Teen...
If your teen is 13 or 14 years old, she probably already has a smart phone, but maybe it's her older brother's used iPhone 4. Basically everyone in your teen's class already has an iPhone 6, so oh my god, please get her an iPhone 6. Not the 6 Plus—your teen still has a child's hands.
If you are even thinking about getting your teen an Android, you are insane and need more than this guide to help you.
Date with a member of One Direction
For an Older Teen...
If you are close enough in age to your teen of the same gender, it would be nice to go to the DMV and get him the real thing. Otherwise, you can email me at email@example.com for the name of a website my sorority used six years ago.
My own apartment Jesus Christ I can't live with you people anymore
For a Girl Teen...
Brandy Melville clothing
If you think teen girls still like Abercrombie and Fitch, you are so old and wrong! Brandy Melville is the hot store at the mall now. Almost everything is under $50, one-size-fits-all, and roughly the same color, so there's pretty much no way you'll fuck it up.
For a Boy Teen...
For 50 Percent of Teens...
For All Teens...
Illustration by Tara Jacoby