Last week, P&G, the world's largest consumer goods company, announced that it will be jettisoning as many as 100 of its well-known brands of household crap. Now, the corporate equivalent of "Guessing Lindsay Lohan's Fuck List" is guessing which brands will go. Let's play!

One thing about P&G—they sure have a hell of a lot of brands. Just look at all these god damn brands. We know that they won't be getting rid of their huge successful brands, like Tide or Pampers or Crest, which are major rock stars in the world of household packaged goods. The company will probably say goodbye to dozens of its smaller brands, breaking the hearts of all of us who live for the release of each season's new Nioxin products. But which brands exactly? Every last pundit or journalist who fancies himself a true blue consumer household product brand specialist analyst extraordinaire has some guesses. We ignore all of them. Based upon our careful reading of market conditions, economic indicators, and this page of brand names, we suspect that these five brands are definitely going down, primarily because what even are they?

"Dodot" - what

"Bonux" - really

"Dreft" - "Dreft" it's called

"Salvo" - sure

"Christina Aguilera Perfumes" - none of those are real words.

I strongly suspect most of these brands are completely made up.

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