Did you knock over Hillary Clinton's dad's tombstone, you Scranton shit?
Something potentially very rude happened on Tuesday morning in Scranton, Pennsylvania, home of Gawker writer Kelly Conaboy, The Office, anthracite coal, Hillary Clinton's dad and mom for eternal rest, Joe Biden lived there for a few years, and also it was mentioned in Home Alone.
According to the Scranton Times-Tribune, the gravestone of Hillary Clinton’s father, Hugh Rodham, located in Washburn Street Cemetery, was knocked over (the gravestone is also for her mother Dorothy, but apparently who cares about her). By God? Possibly. By a non-God ghost? Possibly. By nature? Possibly. By vandals? Also possibly—and I'm looking at you, all of my cousins.*
Scranton Police Chief Carl Graziano told the Times-Tribune that although how the tombstone got knocked over may remain a mystery, it was most likely the work of vandals, saying, "I’m not sure how else it would have fallen over." Hmm.
Washburn Street Cemetery caretaker Paul McGloin also spoke to the Times-Tribune, echoing my thoughts almost exactly: "I hope this had nothing to do with politics because that’s just wrong." I agree.
And I hope that it had nothing to do with any of my cousins.