It is almost Thanksgiving time. You know what that means: cranberry sauce on your plate! Soon, Thanksgiving will be over. Then there's no more cranberry sauce on your plate. What's the reason for this treason?
Let's keep it real and factual. Consider the facts and only the facts.
1. Cranberry sauce is good.
I don't give a god damn if you eat it out of the can or if you make it fresh and fruity. It's mighty tasty. Now back to the facts.
2. You only really eat cranberry sauce during the holiday time.
Everyone gets the cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving. Some lucky sons of bitches get it at Christmas time too. Then for the rest of the year it's nowhere to be found. Don't tell me "it's in the grocery store" or "you can make it at home whenever you want to." That doesn't mean anything. It ain't on America's menu!
And that's not all.
People eat corn all year round. People eat green bean casserole and sweet potato casserole all year round. People eat cornbread and buttery rolls all year round. People eat ham all year round. People eat all types of salad—whatever kind of salad your family happens to serve at Thanksgiving, be it simple iceberg lettuce or something more complex—all year round.
But people do not eat cranberry sauce all year round and it just doesn't add up.
What would make me "thankful" this year? Cranberry sauce, and its year-round availability as a common side dish anywhere you go.
I like cranberry sauce. You like cranberry sauce. Let's eat it—all the time.