As you are no doubt aware, Southern butter wholesaler Waffle House just served its one billionth waffle.

“At first I thought you guys had the wrong person,” said billionth waffle purchaser Shanneil McCollum said to a news crew standing by to ambush her as she received a round of applause, some balloons, a plastic plaque, a goodie bag, a free waffle, and that’s all. “But then she come in with the waffle, I’m like, ‘Hold on. Okay.’ Go with the flow.”

McCollum’s tepid joy is something we can all share. Those of us who have lived or traveled through the South are aware of the singular joy that a reasonably priced plate of butter-drenched grits and an okay waffle can bring—and no roadside fast food outlet makes better waffles than Waffle House, except perhaps IHOP, and Denny’s. Today is a day for all of us to pause, take a moment out of our busy lives, and sing along to an amateur song about Waffle House. What is your favorite Waffle House jam?

Is it “Conspicuously Multiracial Friend Group Takes a Trip to Atlanta Landmarks, Including, Not Least of All, Waffle House?”

Is it “Damn—Now That Is What I Call Good Dancing, And It’s Happening In a Waffle House?”

Sike I was just testing you because I know very well that your favorite jam is in fact “Lackadaisical G-Rated Waffle House Christmas Jam!”

Merry Christmas and Happy Waffle House! IHOP can suck my dick!!

[Pic: FB]